People Partnerships

Providing timely, actionable, and quality feedback is one of the most important responsibilities of a leader, but it’s also one of the most commonly avoided.

Many leaders avoid conflict, don’t want to seem unkind, or simply haven’t developed the confidence or skills to give effective feedback. Further, even when feedback is given thoughtfully, clearly, in private, and with compassion, some employees still struggle to receive it – they may react with defensiveness, blame, emotional outbursts, or shutting down altogether.

What can you do as a leader when feedback is not well received, despite your best efforts? Let’s start with the foundation: giving good feedback.

Foundations of Effective Feedback

Feedback isn’t personal. It’s about performance, growth, and outcomes, not about fault, blame, or character. When integrated into the culture of your team, feedback becomes a tool for development, not a threat.

Firstly, you want to create a culture of feedback – this means that the leaders are seen to both give and receive feedback. This could also be established during the interview process.

Build a Culture of Feedback:

• Model it from the top – leaders should be visible in both giving and receiving feedback.
• Set the tone early – introduce feedback expectations in the hiring and onboarding processes.
• Normalize feedback – make it part of regular check-ins and project reviews, both in giving and requesting/receiving.

Feedback is not:

• Personal attacks or criticisms.
• Judgement, blame, or finding fault.
• A rehashing of past mistakes – “remember when you…”
• A form of punishment.

Feedback is:

• Factual – focused on observed actions or outcomes.
• Specific, clear, and direct.
• Focused on how the actions or outcomes can be improved, including next steps or solutions.
• Respectful and grounded in the desire to support growth.

Feedback should be given:

• In private, in most instances and where possible.
• As immediately following an event as possible.
• Clearly and with detail.
• Framed with the intent to understand and support improvement.

Feedback Frameworks:

Here are some sample frameworks for providing feedback.

Task-Based Feedback: for addressing deliverables, expectations, or project outcomes.

• “As a way to support your growth, I’d like to offer some feedback on PROJECT. Is that ok?”
• “I was expecting RESULT, but I noticed GAP. Can you walk me through your approach?”
• “I requested TASK by completed by DATE. The submission I received was missing DETAILS. Let’s review this together.”

Behaviour-Based Feedback: for behavioural or interpersonal concerns.

• “When you BEHAVIOUR, it IMPACT. This isn’t aligned with our team values or expectations. Continued behaviour like this could result in CONSEQUENCE.”
• “If you find yourself unable to respond calmly, you are expected to remove yourself from the situation until you can engage respectfully. You can say something like ‘I need a minute to myself before I respond here.’”

When Feedback is Met with Conflict

Unfortunately, delivering feedback well doesn’t guarantee that it will be received well. It’s common for feedback to trigger emotional reactions such as defensiveness, anger, blame, becoming upset, crying, or shutting down.

If this happens, you may want to:

• Change the setting. You may try saying something like “Let’s continue this conversation LOCATION.”
• Allow a moment of pause. Give the person a chance to collect themselves. You may try something like “Would you like a few minutes to yourself before we continue?” Try to avoid phrases like “clam down,” which can escalate emotion.
• Reframe with compassion and clarity. You may try saying something like “I recognize receiving feedback can be difficult. My intention isn’t to criticize you; it’s to support your development. Is there anything you’d like to share with me at this time regarding how you’re feeling about the feedback so far?”
• Remain forward-focused. After providing space, you can ask “Are you open to discussing next steps now?” Once they’ve indicated readiness, continue to rephrase your feedback in a clear manner. Allow space and pauses in the conversation as you continue.

Consistency and Follow-Through Matters

Letting emotional responses derail necessary feedback sends the message that feedback can be avoided or delayed indefinitely. If a difficult reaction occurs, pause to implement the above or set up a time to come back to the conversation. It’s extremely important to return to the conversation and follow it through. If the current moment isn’t conducive to a productive conversation, set a clear follow-up time and stick to it.

Feedback is Leadership in Action

Feedback isn’t just a skill, it’s a leadership imperative. Done well, it strengthens your culture, supports accountability, and helps people grow.

Avoiding feedback, or letting it slide when it’s received poorly, can erode trust, misalign expectations, and ultimately limit both individual and business performance.

Ready to Lead with Clarity and Confidence?

If you’re a founder, business owner, or leader navigating the complexities of people management, you don’t have to do it alone.

Through People Partnerships, I offer grounded, strategic HR support that grows with your business:

• The Hiring Playbook, available now, and the People Playbook, coming soon – are digital toolkits for setting clear foundations in hiring, employee experience, and HR processes.
• The Growth Partnership – is a three-month cohort of advisory support for scaling teams and increasing your confidence as a leader.
• The Strategic Partnership – offers bespoke HR strategy and leadership consulting tailored to your long-term business goals.